She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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