I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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Bring me that man meat
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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