just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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