I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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