she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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