Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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