and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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