I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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