It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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