It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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