After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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