you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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