it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
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I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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