I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize