i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize