I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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