Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
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After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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