soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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