i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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