when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So much Jack, so little girl.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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