Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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