jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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