I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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