even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize