I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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