it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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