Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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