Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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