I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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