I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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