Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize