the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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