It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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