She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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