So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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