as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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