he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize