Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize