He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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