You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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