You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
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