Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
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Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize