I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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