I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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