The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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