saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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