just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize