Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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