He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
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i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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