She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
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I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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